March 2-5, 2007

You will of course notice the new look. I visited my brother-in-law's blog a couple weeks ago and realized he used the same template, and we can't have that, can we? So for now, this is what this blog will look like. I am a sucker for personalizing the way things look, and changing them around frequently (which is why I am loving Vista, even if it is supposed to crash more often – which it hasn't yet), so you can probably expect this to happen again. It probably reflects a character flaw, but I do not claim any sort of perfection.

I am sorry it has been so long. I have been so crazy – usual end of semester madness beginning, coupled with lots of presentations and trips and a nephew's visit. All good blogging topics, which is why I want to get this old stuff out of the way.

I guess there is no law that says I have to post all the old before I can say anything new, but we are so close now, just a year and a month away . . .

March 2

35

She who is centered in the Tao

Can go where she wishes, without danger

She perceives the universal harmony,

Even amid great pain

Because she has found peace in her heart.

Music or the smell of good cooking

May make people stop and enjoy

But words that point to the Tao

Seem monotonous and without flavor

When you look for it, there is nothing to see.

When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear.

When you use it, it is inexhaustible.

The last part I get. It is like the broad and narrow paths of Jesus' description. The first part I get intellectually, but it's the same old thing, how does one get to that place? I'm working hard on perceiving the universal harmony amid my pain, but it is hard. Seeing any harmony at all amid Jim's pain, or the suffering of the world, is near impossible.

I can intellectually grasp the need for the purpose of suffering in the world. I get it, about growth and bravery, etc. But when faced with the horrible brutality of life, when reading about hungry and abused children, or watching Jim ache with desire for meaningful work, it feels immoral to take a position that their pain is okay because it serves some greater purpose. Especially if the purpose is one the sufferer will never see, or benefit from personally.

I think the Buddha could pull it off through his great compassion. While seeing the purpose of pain, and how it fit in to the big picture, he could at the same time empathize completely, could feel the other's pain with them, which somehow lessens the burden. I can practice with my husband. Instead of becoming enraged that he is not getting what he deserves, which causes me pain – a lot of it – and then withdrawing in frustration and helplessness, I should empathize. Allow him to feel what he feels, extend to him my deepest compassion, and just let it be. Try to absorb some of his pain by sharing it, and then let it go. Let it be taken by the current of the Tao and dissolved there. I will try. And I need to get my butt meditating every day, even if it means getting up even earlier.

March 3

36

If you want to shrink something

You must first allow it to expand.

If you want to get rid of something

You must firs allow it to flourish

If you want to take something,

You must first allow it to be given

This is called the subtle perception

Of the way things are.

The soft overcomes the hard.

The slow overcomes the fast.

Let your workings remain a mystery.

Just show people the result.

Wow. Once again, there is so much here that is useful. If I want to shrink and get rid of the pain, I have to first allow it to grow and flourish. I know this instinctively. It is what I mean when I say that I need to just lie down somewhere quiet and let the pain be itself. Most of every day I am "on" and all that time, around others, I'm fighting and repressing the pain, squishing it down. That doesn't make it go away though. When I take a time out, and let the pain swell and take over my whole consciousness – just let it be there, what it is, and FEEL it, without fighting it, eventually it subsides on its own, and no longer needs to take up my whole mind.

Can I use this knowledge to control the pain? Can I schedule more breaks into the day, more moments where the pain gets its way, gets to be huge? Maybe then it will fit more neatly into the box I'm always trying to squish it into the rest of the time? Certainly worth a try.

There is so much more I could explore here, even with just the first stanza. What other things in my personality or habits would this work on? Will keep thinking about it, but right now I have to get to work.

March 4

37

The Tao never does anything,

Yet through it all things are done.

If powerful men and women

Could center themselves in it

The whole world would be transformed

By itself, in its natural rhythms.

People would be content

With their simple, every day lives,

In harmony, and free of desire.

When there is no desire,

All things are at peace.

It is truly amazing how much the Buddha and Lao-tzu sound alike. They lived at the same time, but separated by a huge distance. And there is much that is different. Still, how is it that two of the world's greatest religions – three if you count Hinduism, mother of Buddhism – would come to the same conclusions. And many of our Western philosophers and mystics join their ranks. It must be true, right? There is something very attractive about having all the world living their contented lives, in peace, with no desire. But only for a minute. Then I ask myself what makes us better, or different from animals? Lao-Tzu may have thought, in his wisdom, that we aren't anything special; we are just another species, and the point of life is just to live.

Sometimes I agree with him. Our big brains were just an accident, and there is nothing more, so we should just live our lives and enjoy them, because that's it. But I am too much a child of the West to really buy that. There has to be more. Maybe it isn't about using our hands to make technology, maybe it is achieving something mental/psychological/spiritual. But there has to be something worth working for!

38

The Master doesn't try to be powerful;

Thus she is truly powerful.

The ordinary man keeps reaching for power,

Thus he never has enough.

I keep reading the stanzas about power, and I often kind of glaze over, because I'm thinking about rulers, provosts, etc. but how does this apply to me? In what ways do I seek power for myself? The anthro department, in arguments with my spouse, getting control of my father's behavior. Maybe some other areas. Lao-tzu isn't saying power is wrong to have, It just shouldn't be desired. Our desire, what we want, should be focused on other things, like doing the job right, or being a good wife, and a good daughter. If power comes your way because you done a good job, you need to stay focused on the job, and not be distracted, attracted, seduced, overcome, or lazy because of the power. With personal relationships, we need . . . I need . . . to let go of the desire to control. Period.

The Master does nothing,

Yet she leaves nothing undone.

The ordinary man is always doing things,

Yet many more are left to be done.

There is a lesson here I really need to learn. Man, I am really having a hard time keeping my eyes open. This is a nasty dizzy druggy feeling. I keep reading and writing through slitted eyes, and I think even going in and out of consciousness. But I don't want to give up because it is my only time for this.

Okay, all the things I feel I have to do. All I leave undone. How do I learn to do nothing at all and yet leave nothing undone? It has to do with doing each task mindfully, not thinking of it as a task or a chore. It is just the next thing. I guess if you can do that all day, at the end all things are done.

I've had tastes of days like this but I need more practice, and some guidance would be nice.

The kind man does something,

Yet something remains undone.

The just man does something,

And leaves many things to be done,

The moral man does something,

And when no one responds,

He rolls up his sleeves and uses force.

When the Tao is lost, there is goodness.

When goodness is lost, there is morality.

When morality is lost, there is ritual.

Ritual is the husk of faith,

The beginning of chaos.

Therefore the Master concerns himself

With the depths and not the surface

With the fruit and not the flower.

He has no will of his own.

He dwells in reality

And lets all illusions go.

Have to bail out for awhile, but the above speaks for itself. The Buddha could have written it.

March 5

39

In harmony with the Tao,

The sky is clear and spacious,

The earth is solid and full,

All creatures flourish together,

Content with the way they are,

Endlessly repeating themselves,

Endlessly universal.

When man interferes with the Tao,

The sky becomes filthy,

The earth becomes depleted,

The equilibrium crumbles,

Creatures become extinct.

The Master views the parts with compassion,

Because he understands the whole.

His/her constant practice is humility.

She doesn't glitter like a jewel

But lets herself be shaped by the Tao,

As rugged and common as a stone.