June 21-27, 2007

June 21, 2007

I waited for J's call, and then sat down to meditate. It was a struggle. This time the words came alright, but I felt I was racing through them. I was afraid that if I allowed any space between the words, the random associations and tangents would crowd in and take over. I didn't have sleepiness issues because I couldn't really relax. It's a new challenge every day, isn't it? They'll soon have to repeat themselves! I suppose I'll get better at dealing with them as I get more practice. I mean, Easwaran speaks in years.

[Description of doctor's appt and errands, writing a political protest letter we e-mailed to news orgs] But then I became super-irritable. I don't know what was up with me, but I just lost it. I forgot to say the mantra when it began, so it just grew and grew. It was all directed at my computer. It just really pissed me off. I'm ashamed of having allowed a piece of machinery to control my feelings and behaviors. As Easwaran said, we lose our freedom when we allow things outside of us to control how we feel. I put myself in bondage to reaction. It felt really bad. It felt completely out of my control, which is ridiculous. We always have choices.

The Gita reading for today is beautiful. Krishna describes himself again. It is a refreshing reminder of what is really important, and also that He is in everything, and can be worshipped in the people around us. I'll hold on to that.

June 22

In Dialogue 11, as translator Saraswati notes, we can see the spiritual growth of Uddhava as he no longer begs Krishna to take him with him, but accepts his mission, his dharma. Saraswati says some helpful things. First, that Uddhava's path is our path: we begin our search for God by looking for it outside of ourselves, but "as that wish begins to shape our life, we see the Divine reflected in ourselves and in all material existence" p.104.

Second, she says this dialogue "allows us to begin to view the Divine with a human mind, though through the veil of the mind's perceptions . . . Krishna allows us to 'see' the embodied Divine through our bodily senses ` as the stars, the planets, the creatures of the earth and sea, and so on." As we begin to recognize the divine in all these things, "the quality of our experience of the world must change." Haven't we all felt closer to God when out in nature, closer to the unmediated earth, and looking up at the stars?

The difference for me is that I used to recognize God as the creator of the universe. Now I am learning to see God as not only creator but also IN the creation. The created universe IS god itself. That may seem a small semantic difference, but it is great. It must change, ultimately, everything about the way we approach and treat and deal with the earth. We are not the masters having dominion over the planet. No! No! No! We are another part of God, and granted the blessing of living on God and in god, with all the other tiny fragments of His/Her being. No wonder it wasn't India that invented industrialization.

Third, Saraswati says we must remember that we will never "see" brahman, as a physicist will never "see" a quark "until we have gone beyond the limits of individual perception. There is nothing more we can add to ourselves to see the Divine better. All we can do is look about and remind ourselves of what Krishna has said, that all this is the Self." And as we keep walking the path, she says we'll gradually be stripped of all that prevents us from seeing it directly – which, I'd add, includes our bodies, eventually.

Verses 9-11 would be good for meditation:

I am that which you and all seekers seek.

Among things difficult to conquer, I am the mind.

As he goes on, naming the things of this world that he is, it's important to me to note that there are "negatives" as well as "positives." God isn't just good, it's everything.

June 27

In dialogue 12 I find the answers to many of my questions. Here Krishna lays out the plan for life, for living together in society; the varnashrama. He explains the idea of caste and the four seasons of life, as well as a little of the history of the system and of the Ages. Uddhava has asked him:

How may we fulfill this devotion

While maintaining our own

Allotted duties according to the social order? v.2

If we don't become hermits or sannyasin, in other words, how can we live our normal lives and still show our devotion? A very pertiment question for me, because I'm not ready to give up living with J and the kitties, or teaching and researching. I am in the householder stage of life and I mostly enjoy it. But I certainly don't want to put off devotion and spiritual learning until I'm ready to leave it all. In fact, I'd never become ready to leave without more growth first.

This is not wrong; Krishna (brahman) made this world, made humans, and made it so that there must be people in all different stages of growth in order for the system to work. So Krishna answers by first establishing this point, that all the castes and stations emanate from Him, all are loved and desired. And his point is that the varnashrama exists to promote the good of all, if practiced correctly.

Recall that in Hindu cosmology, there are four stages of creation, or Ages. Each creative cycle begins as a kind of utopia, then people forget who they are, chaos and destruction, as well as evil enter the creation and it gets steadily worse, until finally it must be destroyed.

This seems at odds with the other big plan, that humans are fragments of brahman who willingly immerse themselves in maya in order to have learning experiences. Those lessons eventually lead them to remember who they are and re-merge with brahman. The two probably fit together and I just haven't learned enough to see how. Because doesn't it seem that as more souls learned more, the world would become better . . . Aha! Oh, duh! It's that as more souls take the path that leads to enlightenment, they are liberated and are no longer re-born. So over time the world comes to have higher and higher proportions of those who chose explore evil, darkness, and inertia. That solves the paradox.

Okay, so Krishna begins by saying that the first age of this creative cycle was the Krita Yuga, the Age of Accomplishment, in which all people belonged to one caste, the hamsa caste. All people were "virtuous from birth," and "had everything they needed." The pranava mantra "Om" was the only scripture, and dharma was as "firm as a bull standing on four legs."

The next was the Treta Yuga, the Age of Three, because it was like a bull standing on three legs. The scriptures of this age were the Vedas: Rig, Sama & Yajur. These Vedas "flowed from my heart, borne by my exhalation" v.12. And now Krishna explains how a variety of people sprung from different parts of the one cosmic Supreme body.

Brahmin – those disposed to spiritual learning, from the mouth.

Kshtraiya – those disposed to rule, defend justice and truth, from the arms.

Vaishya – those disposed to "bring comfort and prosperity", from the legs

Shudra – "those who wished only to serve humanity, the servants and tillers of land", from the feet.

Then he describes the stages of life, and their dispositions, saying students came from the heart, householders from the loins, retirees from the chest, and sannyasin from the crown of the head.

It is clear from the rest of the dialogue that Krishna means that people are NOT born into caste. That instead one should examine oneself, and compare to his descriptions of each varna, and then decide which fits their disposition. There should be no compulsion, and each person should have enough learning and opportunity to be able to make such a decision.

Another clear theme is that all of the castes are there to serve one another. Shudras may be labeled "servant" but in fact service to the community is the heart of each job. All are required to be truthful, free of desire, anger, greed, "always seeking the happiness and well-being of all" v.21.

He also talks about how all have the duty to remember the Self. That busy householder, raising children, working, serving the community, should also study the scriptures, perform the rituals and worship the deities. At the end, he reminds householders not to get too attached to the people and things of his or her life. The wise one will cling to that which is imperishable, and let go of that wich perishes.

Remember always the associations made

With relatives, spouses, children and friends

Are like the chance meetings of travellers –

Brief, and only for the duration of the lifetime.

At the end of each life these relationships end –

Just as dreams end upon awakening v.53

Keeping such an awareness

The householder can live free from entrapment

In the ideas-of-I and "mine" –

Even while performing the required duties v.54.

Krishna warns against the dangers of getting caught up in ideas-of-I and in entanglements with others. These hold us back, so that at the moment we should be retiring to the forest or to a monastery, we "will always be given to creating reasons for forgetting the Self and not moving on to the next stage of life."

"Oh" they will say "My parents are sill alive, my partner cannot cope, my children cannot live without me" v.57. "With an unfocused mind, such a person will continually be distracted by foolish thoughts of "I" and "mine" and on death will go to a great darkness" v.58.

So, that is the whole of the answer. One can and one should continue to live life according to one's dharma. In my case, being wife, daughter, sister, aunt, teacher, researcher, community servant, activist, and colleague. But at all times remember the Self and keep focused on the true goal. Attach to no one and nothing. Be ready to shed it all and move on to the next stage.

Our culture is so focused on the stage of youth that it will be a challenge to recognize it as such in myself. Does the use of anti-wrinkle cream mean I'm clinging too hard to one stage? Or is that an acceptable part of taking care of the skin I'm in?