June 16, 2007
Forgot to mention that last night I began a new ritual. I'm going to read the Upanishads – if I read anything – before going to sleep instead of whatever novel I'm reading. I only got through a few pages of the introduction in which the translator provides historical, anthropological background, context, and explaining the Vedic system. It's really complicated. I'm not sure I completely understood what I read. I don't have the book here to check, but I think the Vedas have four main branches, one coming late. And Brahmin families "owned" or belonged on only one of them. So the members of those families only would have had access to those rites, hymns and scriptures of that branch. The texts consist of the ritual instructions, the texts that explain the rituals, which I think are the Brahmanas, and then the later texts that explain the spiritual underpinnings – I mean the philosophical underpinnings – are the Upanishads. I think.
It is very interesting, and speaks to the integration of Indian philosophy at an early date, c. 1st century BCE. From the tremendous diversity of ritual across the subcontinent, it all begins to braid together into a single strand about 2000 years ago.
Just to get a little taste, I skipped over to the first one, and it was the first two parts; how to do the horse sacrifice, and the explanation of the sacrifice, tying the horse to the creator of the world who, interestingly enough, was Death. And as far as I could tell, he created the world by giving birth to things and then eating them. For Death is also Hunger. Pretty different stuff than the Gitas!
Speaking of which, I'm ready to read the 8th Dialogue of the Uddhava Gita.
Wow! I really like this one. Could copy the whole thing in, but that seems silly. In it, Krishna begins by teaching, again, how to liberate ourselves from the bondage of ignorance. He reminds that the gunas, which Swami Ambikananda translates as purity, passion and ignorance, rather than Miller's lucidity, passion and dark inertia – are states of the body and personality, not the Indwelling Self.
Uddhava asks Paul's question: "we know what is right; we know that pursuing pleasure only brings pain, so why do we keep doing it?" Krishna answers by explaining that the "idea-of-I" springs up in our bodies, personalities, because of the quality of rajas – passion – implicit in nature, in created things. Passion drives us and it is only by cultivating sattva – lucidity/purity – that we can overcome it. He tells a story about appearing to Brahma and the sage Sanaka in the form of Hansa, the divine swan, to teach them how to meditate, how to distinguish self from Self; and in that he reminds us all that really there is no distinction.
Recognize this truth
With a clear understanding:
All the senses perceive only me.
I alone exist.
Nothing exists besides me. v. 24
Oh, if only I could truly recognize this, and believe it, and live it! If only we all could.
[later that day] here's another Rushdie quote – "Although he kept it quiet, however, Saladin felt hourly closer to many old, rejected selves, many alternative Saladins – or rather Salahuddins – which had split off from himself as he made his various life choices, but which had apparently continued to exist, perhaps in parallel universes of quantum theory." P.523. It would be interesting, wouldn't it, if all the other selves at one point come back, come together? And more, what other selves has my Self been? I'm so eager to find out.
My meditation was so-so. Only 20 minutes because I chose the hot bedroom and the pain got too much. I began with the prayer of St. Francis but found it really distracting, so switched to my mantra and that was much better. I'm going to try to find a passage that works better for me, if I can. But when using the mantra I quickly got deep down. It was cool! Maybe I'm going to be able to do this?
June 17
Let's return to the 8th Dialogue.
Early on, Krishna explains how sattva can overcome the other gunas and it is essentially Easwaran's eightfold program. Krishna says there are 10, because he includes water- for purity – and purifying rituals as well as the seasons, which Easwaran leaves out. The other "contributors to the predominance of any one guna" are: spiritual practices, the people with whom one associates, the activities one practices, one's initiation into the spiritual way, your manner of contemplation, the mantras you use for contemplation, and chanting v.5. We can allow sattva to grow in ourselves by nurturing whatever is sattvic in nature. He says in v.13 to sit in contemplation three times a day, dawn, noon and dusk. I'll be doing well when I can make once a firm habit, but I would love to someday be someone who sits all three.
Now back up to where we were – Krishna telling Brahma and the sages how to excape from identifying with the body, being distracted by sense objects.
Therefore, cease to identify yourself with the mind,
Which is constantly drawn to objects through the senses,
And which then gets caught up in these objects.
Instead, identify yourself entirely
With that undivided Presence v. 26
Knowing that this bondage
Is solely due to the false identification
With body and personality,
Give it up!
Identify yourself with the immortal Atman
And be free. v. 29
He makes it sound so easy! Just do it! But the illusion is a good one; the sleep a deep one. This whitethoughts seems so very real to me, especially when pain is burning a hole through all of my thoughts. Everyone promises that the changes come through practice, so I guess I just have to keep following instructions.
June 18
Speaking of meditation, I had a tough time yesterday. I'm thinking maybe I should force myself to stick to St. Francis' prayer until I've got it mastered. I am having trouble memorizing it – which is ridiculous. Part of the issue is I have 3 versions floating around in my head. Need to choose one and stick with it. For heaven's sake! I used to memorize very large chunks of text! Whole plays! Everyone's lines! This is silly. Is this just my mind making another stupid excuse? I think I need to let it know who is boss. That it can't get out of this by refusing to memorize a short passage. What happens is I forget the words or get them mixed up, and yesterday the next word finally just wouldn't come at all. After 15 minutes I got fed up and switched to the mantra for 10 minutes. It felt like giving in. I was also fighting sleep; found myself nodding off.
In my reading of the first Upanishad, the Brhadaranyaka Upanishad, I've been learning some interesting stuff. Reading these will make my re-reading of the Gitas so much richer, as I'm coming to understand more of the culture and the belief systems from which they arose. I think Patrick Olivelle, the translator, is correct in saying we shouldn't read them the way the Jewish Bible is often used by Christians; looking for support for our own modern conceptions, pulling out verses here and there to justify a position. Nevertheless, one can see the roots of certain ideas, and it is difficult not to say "Aha! They say here that Atman and Brahman are One, so it must be true!" Even though, of course, I recognize how specious an argument that is.
It is really cool to see that idea developing, however. Also to see what it is growing out of, and to begin to learn what some of the rites are that Krishna was refering to in the B. Gita when he said, "Do them, but don't get caught up in them; do them for me." And also to learn the mythology and the cosmology that explains and justifies those rites. This first one (BU), lays out a lot of the connections and homologies of the Vedic world, which are the basis of the things said in the Gitas, like about the tree and branches the three worlds, etc.
Recall I learned that Death/Hunger created the world? I forgot to mention, or I didn't really get, that Death, the Creator, IS a horse. Doesn't that seem a clear left-over from the pastoralist past of the Aryans who invaded and settled in Persia and India? Every once in awhile Olivelle shows us how a word or an idea is very similar in Ancient Persia and India. The connection is strong. And since Persia influenced Babylon and the area now Israel, one has to wonder about some Indian ideas sneaking into Hebraism and later Christianity.
What occurred to me last night was John's version of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The more I think of it, the odder it seems to me that John would refer to horses. They really don't show up often in the Bible. Donkeys and camels, yes. I vaguely recall an odd mention or two in reference to the Egyptians on horses. Did the Romans have horses? I feel like they had a horse god – Persians did, so why not Romans? Maybe horses had come to be associated by Jews with the evil oppressor? Or, maybe he saw the Indian gods coming to destroy the world, as it must in the end be destroyed to make room for the next experiment? : )
[I just did a quick google search and came across a reference that says horses appear in the prophets (Isaiah, Ezekial, Joel, I Samuel, Jeremiah, Micah), poetry (Psalms and Song of Solomen), and the histories (Esther, 1 & 2 Kings, Judges). But mentions are very rare, and almost always in the context of either war (war horses or horse and chariot), and exclusively the property of kings.]
There is a lot in this scripture that I don't understand. But one theme that is clear is that the concept of the self, atman, is developing. And the idea that the entire universe is contained in the mind of the self. For example: "This same self (atman) is the trail to this entire world, for by following it one comes to know this entire world, just as by following their tracks one finds the cattle" BU 4:7. And "If a man knows 'I am brahman' in this way, he becomes the whole world. Not even the gods are able to prevent it, for he becomes their very self (atman)" BU 4:10. "It is his self alone that a man should venerate as his world" BU 4:15. "Now, a man who knows this becomes the atman of all beings; he becomes just like this divine breath" BU 5:20.
And by the way, there has been so far no hint of ascetism. On the contrary, a man is not complete until he has a wife and wealth (4:17), and a son (5:17), and there are many references to being showered with all manner of material things.
12:30 Awesome! I made the full 30 minutes of meditating, and it went much better. I'm going to need to watch out for drowsiness almost more than anything else. Easwaran warns it is a difficult and common problem. His only advice is just sit up straight, renew and redouble one's concentration on the passage if it is still a problem, open your eyes for a minute and recite the mantram, then go back. But overall it was good. I found a compromise solution for the passage – using most of one version, but including "where conflict, harmony; and where error, truth" and using "comfort" rather than "console" in the second part from two other versions. And it worked. I went right through without stumbling twice before I began to have drowsiness issues.
But Easwaran also says that's good; it means the body is relaxing, heart rate and breath slowing, and the mind isn't throwing a thousand distractions my way. There are some. The words call up all kinds of associations but I did pretty well at keeping my mind on task. Just letting those associations come up and go away without too much attention. Biggest problem is when the next word just doesn't come, and in that space before it does I can follow an association chain or begin to go to sleep. I'm hoping that's mostly a memorization problem and will get easier as the passage gets more familiar.
After meditating I did do my half hour of exercise, too, so I'm starting to get this train on track.
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