June 30- July 4, 2007

June 30, 2007

I went to meditate just before dinner. It went okay. Not great, not terrible, but I'm really glad I did it.

Back to the wise and compassionate words of Krishna. Dialogue 14 ended with Krishna enjoining us to cease making judgments between "good" and "bad." In Dialogue 15 Uddhava begins by asking the obvious next question – But wait! You tell us to stop making these judgments but the Vedas and even your own words talk about what is right and wrong ~ I'm confused! Are we to be good? Or are we to cease seeing good and bad?

I think I know where Krishna is going to go. It's something of a paradox so I don't know if I can explain. I think it is something like – in reality there is no distinction between good and evil because all is one. You can't have only one side of a coin. However, if you would like to experience that oneness, there are certain things one ought to do, which we'll label "good," and other things one ought to avoid.

It isn't wrong to take a path that leads into darkness; it just won't bring you into light. Remember that King Kamsa, who hated Krishna and kept trying to kill him even when he was a babe, achieved liberation because even though it was hatred and fear that motivated him, still he had one-pointed attention, and thought of nothing but Vishnu/Krishna.

So even dedication to evil can bring one enlightenment. Nothing is inherently good or evil. Yet Krishna's purpose is to lay the path to Himself for us; to pave it, make it as direct and easy to follow as possible. Thus all things that keep one on that road are good, those that don't, aren't. Let's see if that is actually what he means!

Yes! Krishna begins by saying there are 3 and only 3 paths to spiritual enlightenment – jnana, karma and bhakti yoga. He describes them again, and says who each is for. The duties each of us has because of our caste and station he says, we should do "until you lose interest in the world, or until an intense faith and devotion arise in your heart" v.9.

People who just go about their duties, simple people who just live their lives will go neither to heaven nor to hell. They'll just be reborn again and again until one of those two things happens. He says that souls in heaven and hell covet a life here on earth because it offers opportunities for growth, for liberation, for enlightenment. They are like side worlds. You can make trips out to them but neither is actually on the main path.

One must be human to make spiritual progress. This is the vehicle designed exactly for that purpose.

[Entry ends abruptly because our vaction was at an end – it was the last day, and time to pack. Several days of driving and unpacking and recovering later . . .]

July 2

Dialogue 16 is about how the deep meaning of the Vedas is knowing the Oneness of God, and NOT the lists of rules and rituals. Krishna is still answering Uddhava's question about making distinctions between good and evil, right and wrong. And basically what he is saying is: there are no hard and fast rules about this – it all depends on context.

Actions, thoughts, words, etc. are never wrong/evil in themselves, nor are they right/good in themselves. Just saying a prayer or chanting a mantra or doing a ritual isn't necessarily "good" even if it was good at one time for some one. Krishna sounds an awful lot like Jesus when he says that the instructions, the laws in the Vedas, as in the Old Testament, were given by Him to the ancestors "as a guide to how to conduct one's life." Like the Torah, the Vedas are full of discussions and lists of things that are pure/clean and things that are impure. About these Krishna says that what makes things pure is the presence of god, the pure and devoted heart.

People who have come to read the Vedas literally and rigidly are incorrect and are missing the whole point. There are injunctions in the Vedas, promises of reward for good behavior, placed there to entice people into their spiritual journey. Instead, people have often become fixated on the rewards and therefore fail to progress at all.

Heedlessly they indulge in ritual acts

Only to choke on the smoke

Of their own ignorance v.27

A strict adherance to ritual

Will be their only theme:

They will not even recognize me

Dwelling in their own heart

And in the heart of this entire creation v.28.

In sacrifical rituals

These cruel people

Will slaughter innocent animals v.30

They fantasize in their own minds

About a heavenly world after this one

And then imagine

That like merchants in a market

They can trade rituals

For a place in such a heaven v.31.

Doesn't this sound, not only like what Jesus said to his contemporary Jews, but also like what needs to be said now? Like all these Christians who are arguing for the arrest and deportation of undocumented workers because they "broke the law." At the end Krishna says, "I am the sacrifice the Vedas speak of." Just what Jesus said. And what is really intriguing, has the seeds of radical re-interpretation of Jesus is: Krishna, the man, was NOT killed. He means he is a sacrifice in a different way. I don't think I clearly understand it. But couldn't Jesus have also meant it differently? I mean, couldn't he have meant it however Krishna means it? That he would have been the sacrifice regardless of whether he was crucified?

With all of the parallels between their words, I feel I am coming to understand and appreciate Jesus through coming to know Krishna. More than I ever did when studying the Gospels alone. And it confirms in my mind that the doctrine does not reflect what he was really saying.

July 3

I should record a couple of things. One – meditation seems easier in some ways now that I've truly got the prayer in my memory. I don't have those long gaps between words as I struggle to recall the next one. I also didn't have too much trouble with drowsiness yesterday. I did have a hard time concentrating, keeping focused on the words, without analyzing them. I started out well, but the phone rang in the middle and then I kept being distracted by outside noises. Will see if I can do better today.

July 4

Meditation yesterday was awful. I didn't get to it until after 8 pm. We had a thunderstom that terrified poor Indy. So I went up with her and sat in the closet where she was hiding but my mind just wouldn't stay still. I grew frustrated. I couldn't find a position that didn't pain me. The only good was that I did make myself sit there, and my cat was calm and reassured when I left.

Also, when going to sleep at night, I've learned I had better go back to saying the mantra. I had purposely stopped to allow my mind some free time in which ideas could freely associate. I learned yesterday that Easwaran is right – again. You can't expect the mind to be quiet and lie still for 30 minutes a day when it has free reign the other 23:30.

Discipline requires being disciplined all the time. I resist the idea, but will eventually cave, because I fear it is correct. A person in training to be an Olympic athlete can't be fit or work out just ½ an hour a day. They are always at it. And the payoff – just remember the payoff. Muscles that respond, almost on their own, with all the strength one needs. I recall from skating and swimming what a glorious feeling it was, to have finally mastered a routine – whole body doing exactly what you asked of it, all smooth and effortless. How much more glorious for the mind to respond like that?

Well, it takes practice. Training. So the mantra is back in at night, and I will be more contientious about working it in everywhere in my day. The mind is screaming "that will kill creativity," but of course it would say that. Mind, this training will get you in shape to be more creative, to tap inner reserves of insight, to make more brilliant theoretical analyses. You'll be more nimble than ever! Just give it a try!

June 11-15

We just had the biggest snow storm of the season, in terms of how much fell at once. And the Farmer's Almanac predicts we will have a very snowy March. But at least it IS March! Hurray! The month in which spring will officially arrive. Things are as busy here as ever; trying to get as much grading and prep done as possible, and am still woefully behind on everything. I don't know if I really believe in prayer lists, but I certainly could use whatever positive energy and thoughts you could send my way. I am fairly certain that I have some more stuff going on that will require me to make a decision about which body parts I would like to keep and/or how much pain I would like to tolerate. I'm sharing before I know for sure because I am feeling pretty weak, streched pretty thin (ha-ha; I replaced nearly my entire wardrobe this weekend at Goodwill. I never thought I would complain about losing weight!), and I could use some support even if it is silent and free-floating and from strangers.

June 11, 2007

[I was whining about how poor we were going to be over the summer, and how unfair it was]

This is jumping ahead, but it is so relevant to what I just said – I've read ahead and in the 5^th Dialogue, I was just reading on a smoke break.

To think that through diligent labor

You will avoid pain

Is a silly fantasy v.18

Couldn't be much clearer than that, could it? The problem is, as usual, that I was indulging in full identification with the little self, this whitethoughts, and ignoring the larger Self, which is exactly opposite of what I "should" be doing, of what will bring joy and fulfillment.

To back up, in the Fourth Dialogue, Krishna finishes his story about the young Brahmin/sannyasin. It begins with the latter saying:

The true source of misery

Is the acquisition of anything

That you hold dear v.1

He points out that he himself has no family, no wife or children to whom he is attached, and he has freed himself from all other worldy distractions. "One should go along through life," he says, "making no noise." He gives other instructions – about meditation he says that regular practice will quiet the mind.

They center the mind on the Self

And slowly it will cease its activity.

Both rajas and tamas

Will be submerged into sattva v.12

Those are the gunas – passion and inertia subsumed into lucidity.

He reminds us that this creation will be destroyed – but really he says it will be sucked up, submerged into Brahman, the undifferentiated One, and then creation will occur again. His description supports the idea, the image, that I was beginning to get in the B. Gita.

The One, through the power of Time,

Begins the next creation cycle

By summoning the primordial vitality

Through maya

This vitality rouses the gunas,

Calling into being a world

Which appears to be

Made up of multiplicities v.19

This will be helpful when I'm in the mood to think about how the creation works, and why this happens. But I'm not feeling like that right now.

He does talk about embodiment, and what great teachers our bodies are, saying no matter how frail, the body – the human body – is "still the means of attaining final liberation." The king to whom he was speaking thought about his words and achieved enlightenment.

In Dialogue 5, Krishna goes back to speaking directly to Uddhava, reiterating what the sannyasin said. His message seems to be about distinguishing the self from the Self, and shifting one's identity from the former to the latter. So he repeats, in condensed form, much of what the sannyasin said, pointing out the multiplicities we see are illusion – they come and go, bound by the rope of the gunas. He repeats how one devoted to brahman, to him, ought to live, and there are more good reminders here than I can copy out.

He makes reference to the yamas and niyamas, which the translator defines thusly:

Yamas – contract with society

Ahimsa – non-violence

Satya – truthfulness

Asteya – non-stealing

Brahmacharya – living as a seeker of Brahman

Niyamas – contract with self

saucha – purity

santocha – contentment

tapas – regular practice

Ishvarapranidhana – aligning with the Infinite

June 12

Jim is reading me horrible things from the paper.. . More about the immigration ordinance, even though they've been advised they don't have the legal right to pass one. It makes me so sick I can hardly stand it. I feel outraged at the dishonesty, the outright lies they are telling, the abuse of words that is meant to hide and disguise the abuse of people. I feel sad the world, the state, the city has so much hatred and ill-will. I feel angry, and most of all, I feel helpless. What would Krishna advise? Try to see the Self in all of these people. But how does one go on . . . I mean, saying, "Well, that's their path" hardly seems enough.

Do you just stand by while people are beaten, tortured, jailed, deported, killed, because that is their path? This is always the place I get stuck, and I know I've found the answers before. I guess maybe I can still have my path be to fight injustice. Maybe that is my dharma. Could be, right? And Krishna urged Arjuna to pick up his weapon and fight. I don't have to worry about my enemies souls – that isn't my business. I only need to worry about mine. Have to figure out a way to respond to those I perceive as bigoted idiots in a way that is healthy for me.

Oh! The most important thing, I nearly forgot. Identify with the Self, not the self. Of course. And with that identity, one has perspective. An eternal perspective that sees the point, where the whitethought-self doesn't – of all the pain and ignorance. This should always be my main goal. Then everything else will become clear. It seems counter-intuitive, that the way to handle the world's problems is to turn inward, to be more self-focused for time.

But here in the 5^th dialogue, which I started yesterday, Krishna couldn't be more clear that this is the right thing to do. What I am seeing as multiplicity is just a dream Brahman is having.

Identification with the body,

Which is created by the Supreme

Through the mysterious power of maya,

Is the cause of human bondage

To birth and death and rebirth.

Only knowledge of the Self

Can release one from that bondage v.10

Therefore, step by step,

Detach yourself from

Identification with the body;

Let your attachment be

Identification with the indwelling Self v.11

This is what I need to be doing. And once again I note to myself that the intellectual understanding I am developing is not enough. I need the experiential knowledge that will only come through meditation. And it takes years, so what am I waiting for?

In verses 14-20 Krishna says that if we believe what we are seeing, hearing, etc. is the only reality, we will be, not only deluded, but unhappy. In verses 21-29, he says even working for the reward of heaven will only get you to heaven – which like earth is bound by maya and will end. Funny thought – J's mom is very concerned with me getting to heaven, and I am in a position to argue that heaven is a paltry prize, that I am headed for more than heaven and she's the one to be worried about. Don't think she'd like that much. Tho she may actually be aimed higher, since I believe her heart's true desire is to be with God. Surely that devotion can move one along the path – Krishna says so.

Only the wise know

That what is called

The individual, or time, or the scriptures,

Or even the heavenly spheres,

All of that

Is the undivided and complete Self

I've read on, into the 6^th Dialogue, and it is exciting stuff, but I'll save it for tomorrow.

June 13

I just have a short time to reflect on the U. Gita. We are at the 6^th. At the end of the 5^th, Uddhava asks, "Sometimes we are described as eternally bound by maya to samsara; sometimes you say we are eternally free. Which is it? Eternal bondage or eternal liberation?" Pretty spunky, that Uddhava! And Krishna has an answer that is shocking, and yet we totally should have expected it.

His very first words:

Neither bondage nor liberation is real.

Subject to the gunas – the three boundaries of nature,

The mind thinks of itself now as bound, now as free.

But since these boundaries are themselves illusory,

I tell you, there is neither bondage, nor liberation.

It is all a dream of the One Reality; it is an illusion, remember! I am also reading Salmon Rushdies Satanic Verses, and his characters keep asking themselves "What kind of an idea am I?" And that's it, isn't it? We are all just ideas in the mind of god. Everything about us and our situations is an idea, an illusion, and all we have to do to be free is to remember that. To really know it. By shifting our identification to the Self, we see that, we know we are ideas, and are therefore free to truly enjoy this idea-world we live in.

The rest of this dialogue is Krishna explaining that. Explaining how once one realizes they are free, they can "live a spontaneous life, free from the need for scheming and planning." They can soar like the wind, shape reality, be totally unaffected by the condition of their bodies, impervious to pain, torture, hunger, cold, etc. And, of course, knowing who they really are, they rejoice, they love to discuss the One Self, they love the scriptures and communing with others who know, and instead of withdrawing out of the world they are a vibrant part of it.

Who wouldn't want this? I want it! I so passionately want it. So I will stop holding myself back and go after it! But not today. Today I have to pull 12-14 hours of work.

June 14

We are in the 6^th Dialogue, and Krishna is saying that this life is like a dream. The wise are those who have awakened and no longer cling to the dream. After describing best practices, as in the B. Gita, the compassionate Krishna says:

Old friend, if you are unable

To hold your own mind steadily on the Self

There are other ways of achieving wisdom.

Uncaring of the outcome for yourself,

Offer all that you do each day

To the one ineffable Self v.22

He always allows for imperfection, lets people begin where they are. As the translator notes, up to here Krishna has been describing jnana yoga which is faster, better. But here he begins describing bhakti, and he clearly isn't looking down his nose on it. He says this devotion will also bring one to wisdom, to awakening.

He has slammed religious rites a bit before. Here he says "do them if you must, but do them for the sake of the Indweller of all" v.24. He says clearly to listen to the stories of avatars, hang out with sages, study scriptures, but do it all for him, for the Self. It seems prayer is not wrong. And it should consist of offering. Offer each day, with all its worries, successes, failures, emotions, etc., offer them up to God, to Self, to the Indwelling Radiant One.

Uddhava asks him to describe a sage, how to recognize a good teacher, and Krishna responds with long descriptions. And once again, it sounds an awful lot like the instructions Jesus gave his followers. It also sounds like Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras. And like Lao-Tzu in the Tao te Ching. And like Buddha in the Pali Canon. Must be truth, right? All the sages of all the hugely successful religions give the exact same message. That concludes the 6^th dialogue. Krishna says, "There is no more straightforward road to the Self than this path of devotion." v.48. Clearly putting bhakti on the same footing as jnana.

June 15

In the 7^th Dialogue, Krishna reveals what he says is a great secret, and it is startling. He says that satsanga, association with the wise, will bring one closer to Him than even sanyasin! Even meditation. All the scriptures of all the religions tell us to associate with those who are likewise seeking god, but this is the strongest statement I've heard. He points to a bunch of people in Hindu mythology and hisotry who attained union with the One in that way – just by hanging out with saints, sages and avatars, knowing nothing of the scriptures or the practice of meditation. But also in there is another injunction against rites and rituals:

Give up all the injunctions and prohibitons,

All that you have heard or may hear

Related to scriptural dos and don'ts

And take shelter in your heart;

There seek the Self. v.15

When Uddhava asks for clarification, Krishna answers with another description of how the world works, how the One becomes and is the multiplicity of forms we see around us. I don't really see how this answers the question I thought Uddhava was asking, or exactly how it relates to the idea of satsanga. Certainly it does explain how really we are one, and as the translation says, offers beautiful, incredible images for contemplation, but I'm not getting the connection, exactly. Well, it'll be cool when I get that next level of wisdom next time or two around.

Anyway, it still is super intereting. Krishna describes the chakra system. Or more correctly, refers to it.

He says the One is the prana (energy, vitality, life-force) that flows through the sushumna nade, the spine part of the inner body in which the chakras, the "spinning wheels" exist. He refers to the "most gross manifestation" as the muladhara chakra, which the translator explains is the lowest one, located around the perineum, where Kundalini Shakti "the primal power" sits. And he refers to the "most subtle" as the anahata, the heart chakra, "where It is the subtle, celestial sound and the parts of speech."

Like the spark "resident" in a potential state in wood, so the One is resident in us and "manifests by degrees, even through the sounds that are uttered" and through the actions we take.

He explains again, as in the B. Gita's final teachings, how the creation is a tree. Deep roots are desires, the gunas are its support, and the panchatattva are its five sturdy branches. They are earth, water, fire, air and space. Interesting they recognized space as a thing whereas the West ignored it 'til the 20^th century for the most part. The branches yeild sap, which are the senses – smell, taste, sight, touch, and hearing. Do they correspond in that order? Earth would be smell, water taste, fire sight, air touch, and hearing space. Yeah, that makes sense. Then the panchatattva have 2 branches each which correspond to the indriyas, the "organs of action" – the nose, tongue, eyes, ears, skin, throat, hands, feet, anus, sexual organs, and mind.

The mind, hidden in its branches, has two birds in a nest, the supreme One, and the ahamkara, the "I-maker," the "idea-of-I." This tree has 3 layers of bark – wind, bile and phlegm (humors) and it bears two fruits – joy and sorrow. Did I mention its seeds are good and bad deeds? That makes sense. Then Krishna tells Uddhava:

With a quiet and watchful mind,

Sharpened by service to your guru,

Take up the axe of awareness

And cut this tree down

Thus free the Self

And remain totally identified with the Self v.24

Wowie. Same advice he gave to Arjuna. But the beauty of the tree he's described makes it hard to want to cut the tree down! The roots are desire, and are deep.

June 8 – 10, 2007

June 8, 2007

I am about to start the Uddhava Gita, the Final Teaching of Krishna, which elaborates on the bhakti path. Last night I ordered a copy of the Upanishads, so I'll have that next. This Gita is also translated by a woman, but this time a Hindu, Swami Ambikananda Saraswati. The intro says it "avoids the sort of oversimplified devotion that robs its devotees of intelligence" p.9. The forward identifies this work as part of the Bhagavatha Purana, and says it competes in popularity with the Bhagavad Gita.

Hinduism, or the Sanatana Dharma, it says, "is said to be shruti, smitri purana – that which is heard, that which is remembered, and the puranas" p.11. All of the important scriptures – the Vedas, the Upanishads, the Mahabharata and the Ramayana – all refer to the importance of the Puranas. The forward says the traditional view is that the Puranas are a way of putting the great Truths of the Upanishads and the Vedas into simple language that lay men can understand. Whereas the Vedas are prabhusammit vakya, "words of authority," the Puranas are shraddha vakya "the counseling of a friend." "They teach the message of the Vedas in a friendly way because they are rich in parables and stories" p.11.

Goes on to say that the Puranas have "generally not sided with any sectarian philosophy or school," so they contain the basic principles embraced by the schools of Samkhya, Yoga and Vedanta. Also the ideas later taken up by Buddhism and Jainism – so it does sound a lot like the Gita – the other Gita – in its message, if not its form.

The Bhagavatha was the first Purana translated into a European language. It has 81 Sanskrit commentaries, is translated into every Indian language. It is said to be vanamayavatara – the incarnation of the Supreme in the form of literature. Like the B. Gita, and the Koran. It is attributed to Veda Vyasa, but of course, like all ancient scripture, was probably the work of many hands. Bhagavatha Purana literally means "Book of God." It has 12 volumes that detail the life of Krishna, whom it depicts as the avatar of Vishnu. The only "total" incarnation.

Instead of the young warrior, Arjuna, the Uddhava Gita tells the discussion between Krishna and Uddhava, "an old man and the friend and humble counselor of Krishna, who turns and asks Krishna for advice on the eve of the avatar's departure from earth" p.14.

I'm into the translator's introduction now, the explanation of choices. Some important terms:

Bhagavan has been translated as "Radiant One" and is often used as an epithet for Krishna. It is traditionally applied to "gods who possess power, courage, fame, wealth, knowledge and renunciation" P.17. Shiva also has these qualities and Bhagavan is used for him as well. She notes it is often translated as "Lord" but she rejects that term because of its European medieval connotations.

Yay! She has refused to translate all pronouns referring to brahman, jiva and atman as masculine! Finally! This accords, she says, with the "original Sanskrit tradition of genderless references to the Self" p.18. She also has refused to use the terms "God" or "soul" because of their anthropomorphic, Christian connections and images.

The meat of the book begins with a mind-centering prayer, a meditation for the Book of God, which I like. And so . . .

Dialogue One

The translator begins with a commentary. This dialogue sets the scene. Krishna, who is Prince of Dvaraka, is in his palace and the gods, demi-gods and "hosts of angelic beings" have gathered to witness his departure from earth p.21. Krishna is distinct from the gods and the people at this point. Uddhava begins at Krishna's feet, I guess begging Krishna to take him with him; Krishna refuses.

As I begin the actual dialogue, I'm first swallowed up in footnotes, some of which are quite interesting. I know that Krishna is usually portrayed as having either black or blue skin. But I didn't know that Krishna, the word, actually means "the Dark One." Some historians therefore believe that he was, in fact, dark in skin color, and was one of the non-Aryan invaders. Pretty interesting, since the Dravidians, the darkest Indians, often as dark or darker than Africans, were incorporated into the very bottom of the social structure. Maybe even more despised and lowly than Jesus at birth. Maybe that explains his message that liberation is possible for all regardless of station in life?

She notes that others believe his name is not a reference to skin color but to his association with the Kali Yuga, the Dark Age we are living in.

I am so excited that I am going to learn more about the gods! I get so confused. There is the trinity of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva. I have no problem with that. I know some of the others, too, like Ganesha and Saraswati and Kali and the other shaktis. And Indra, of course. But I've always wondered how Indra can be King of the gods? How does that jibe with the trinity? I'm not going to learn it all at once. I know that some of the systems come from different time periods of belief, and reflect different naming systems in different regions, too. But I'm not going to worry about it right now. I'm going to read like a child and learn from the context of the stories.

The point here is that just about everyone who is anyone is there. I love that she provides info in the footnotes about myths that Indians would know, so we can understand the allusions in the text. I often wished Stoler did that in the B. Gita – but of course she didn't know them, so she couldn't. [Can you imagine having a copy of the Christian gospels with footnotes and commentary provided by a 1^st century Hebrew? Wow! How amazing that would be!]

The gods and hosts gathered there shower Krishna with praise, and ask blessings of Him. They repeat things from the B. Gita about his nature, and make it explicitly clear that Krishna is the unifier of all schools of philosophy by saying in verse 11:

Your beloved feet

Are the very feet contemplated by those

Who make offerings to the sacrificial fire

In accordance with the Scriptures;

And by the great Yogis

Who seek to pierce the veil of illusion;

And by the most devout

Who hunger for true knowledge of the Self.

Okay, this is what I understand: the gods – Brahma, Shiva, Indra and others asked Krishna to incarnate, to stop the evil being done on the earth. A clan, the Yadus, had usurped power and were doing nasty things. So Krishna incarnates into this evil dynasty and as a Yadu, as one of them, he works toward and sets up their ruin. Wild! Seems so unlike what Judeo-Christian heros do.

Krishna arranges for himself to be ruler of the Yadu (I don't know how yet) and sets them up so that the Pandavas will win the battle and "oversee the destruction" of the Yadu. Krishna, in verse 34, looks out at the "disturbances all around" – meaning the war, and tells the elders its time to split, to escape, lest they get slaughtered. He says they'll sacrifice and feed the hungry as a way to avoid attracting the bad karma of the battle.

While everyone is scurrying around getting ready to leave, Uddhava, "the ever faithful" prostrates himself at Krishna's feet. He praises him and speaks of his own devotion. He says "What about us? Those of us who love you so much? How will we live without you?"

Naked sages, lifelong celibates,

Who have pacified their senses

And renounced the world,

Attain the elusive goal of liberation v.47

But what of us who are in this world

And involved in all its works?

We talk of you among ourselves,

We know that you are the guiding light

That will lead us out of darkness. v. 48

It is a very moving story. Reminds me a lot of how people responded to Jesus and to the Buddha. Humble people, lowly servants, full of passionate devotion, and amazingly, feel comfortable coming up to these larger-than-life saviors and expressing their devotion. In this case, begging as one would a child or a partner – please don't leave me! I love you so much I cannot live without you. With you gone, life loses all its meaning and purpose and light. That is devotion. Here I am, wanting to be devoted but still stupidly clinging to what I have and not reaching for the bigger prize. A child's dilemma, but here I am.

June 9

I'm eager to hear Krishna's response.

Dialogue 2

The opening notes from the translator don't tell me anything new. From the verses and footnotes I learn that Krishna was incarnated with his brother, Balarama. And Krishna verifies that he is leaving the earth, having done what he came to do, namely helping the Yadu dynasty into its own destruction. He mentions a flood, saying "in just seven days it (the palace and city) will be submerged by a deluge" v.3.

In verse 4, Krishna says that once he has left the world "the dreaded Age of Kali will begin – the age in which all that is suspicious becomes hidden and obscured." A footnote clarifies that we are living in the Kali Yuga right now, and it will not end until Vishnu incarnates as Kalki.

Krishna tells Uddhava not to stay in the palace, but to go off and become sannyasin. Say goodbye to the people in one's life and "roam the world as one free of all attachments" v.6. He speaks of our deluded state:

Whatever you see, hear, or touch

Know that you cannot know it

For what it is.

Know that whatever your mind makes of it

Is like a mirage that will fade away. v.7

Not just figured worlds, but even matter we see is not "as it is." All reality is mediated – I mean all our perceptions of all reality are mediated by the delusion of individuality. We are not able to see "things as they really are" except occassionally and as a result of effort and dedication.

Therefore, control your senses and your mind

See the entire universe as the Self

And see this Self in me

Its Supreme Sovreign. v.9

In this way you will come to know

And realize that the Self within you

Is the same Self of all embodied beings.

Once you know this

Your mind will be completely satisfied

And all obstacles will be removed. v.10

Same exact message as the B. Gita, so they confirm and support one another. The problem is . . . how does one do this? Yes, okay, meditation. Will meditation by itself accomplish all this? I guess it just might.

Thankfully, Uddhava says just what I want to say: Essentially – Thank you for this wonderful advice. I see why you are saying it. And I'm certain it is perfect advice. However . . . I am weak. I can't see my way to doing it. Am I doomed, since I am so tangled up in this world, in this reality the way I perceive it? The illusion you wove into creation is strong, and I am so very attached to this body, which I perceive as mine – "I am completely immersed in the ideas-of-I-and-mine". Renouncing it will be most difficult for me, so please teach me how to carry out your instructions. v. 16

For even Brahma and all the gods

Are committed to the illusion you have created:

That the perceived world is a reality v.17

In v.18 he calls Krishna "Narayama," which a footnote explains is one of the 22 names of Vishnu and can also mean "abode of humankind."

Krishna answers by saying that some people have broken through the illusion by their own efforts. "The Self is the real teacher of all people, who are endowed with an intelligence that is able to discern the real from the unreal." V. 20 No matter how stupid we look, or how deluded, Krishna reminds us we all have Self, which is not deluded.

The Self is most easily realized

In the human form . . . v.21

Through Samkhya and Yoga

Meaning jnana and raja in Huston Smith's terms. Here, as in the B. Gita, the two are complimentary, go together, are done in conjunction with one another. Krishna reiterates that it is the human body in which the Self can be most easily attained, and "it is here in the human body that I may be discovered as the Self. But not by the ordinary means of perception" v.23.

Okay, it is through the self that we may come to know God. We know that. But how? Krishna tells a story, a parable, to get the message across.

The story is about a king who meets and admires a young Brahmin sannyasin and asks how he got to be so spiritually advanced. The youth replies he learned all from the earth, air, space, water and fire; the sun and moon, dove and python, sea, moth, bee and elephant. From honey, arrow-maker, serpent, spider and insect.

And then he details what he learned from each one. I'm about done writing for the day. What struck me right away was the incredible, amazing grasp of physics Indians had thousands of years ago. Will write about that tomorrow.

June 10

Back to the 2^nd Discourse, in which Krishna is telling the story of the young Brahmin who learned from 24 teachers. The one's that speak to me most right now are these:

From the earth I learned to remain undisturbed

Even while being oppressed

By those under the sway of their own destiny.

The earth taught me not to deviate

From the course that I set for myself v.37

From the air I learned

What it means to be a yogi

To move about freely in contact with all things

But attached to no thing . . . v.40

That the yogi comes and goes through many bodies

Yet remains in untouched stillness . . . v.41

From the fire I learned how to burn brightly

Through the power of practice.

From fire I learned we need only the food

That the belly can burn now.

From fire I learned to accept what is given to me

And to let the fire of my practice

Transform what is impure and make it pure v. 45

From the sun I learned non-attachment

The sun draws water up into the atmosphere

And then returns it as the gentle rain.

This is surely what it means to live as a yogi

Accepting the experiences that are freely offered

And letting them go when they are withdrawn. v.50

Then comes a terrible story about a dove family, who love one another so much they don't need anything else, don't look outside their own nest, and then a fowler captures their young babies and first the wife/mother then the father, become trapped by their unwillingness to let go of the little ones. "Anyone who becomes so attached . . . will come to the same end." v. 73. And then, evidence for the number of lives we live before getting to be human, the last verse of this dialogue is:

We have to soar high

To attain this precious human birth,

Which is like an open door to liberation.

We must not act like that dove,

And fail to look towards that

Beyond our home and family v. 74

I am really attracted by the idea of learning from the earth, and of course one can learn a gazillion things – could find an example to teach just about anything. But I think what I'm liking is the idea that when I have one of those insights from studying nature, I don't have to be so hesitant, so cautious. Why not just say, "I learned this . . . " and let the insight become part of what I know I know?

[I think what I was referring to here was the fear I had as a Christian that the science would come into conflict with the doctrine, as it so often has; it may not have to, but it very often has, and it very often still does. So there is a tension between my scientific work and my parents, for example, who, even if they don't argue, make faces like they'd like to about things I accept as undisputed fact; undisputed because there is so much evidence that other arguments just seem silly]

In Dialogue 3, this lesson continues.

He says the wise know pain and pleasure will come on their own and do not seek them out. Like the python we should take what food comes our way and accept being hungry sometimes as part of our destiny. In this way we won't "chase after things that will pass away." V.4

Like the full and constant ocean,

Which remains always the same

Whether the rivers of the earth

Flow into it or not

The sage should remain in that awareness,

Even as joys and sorrows come and go v.6

He speaks of the importance of controlling the senses, says we should be like bees who just take a little from here and there, but unlike the bee should never store "more than the hands and stomach can hold" v.11. He preaches sexual celibacy, as passion will bind us. And then the dialogue ends with the story of Pingala, the prostitute. It is the story of Everyman (or woman). We work hard to prepare a place for ourselves as she spends all day preparing herself for night. She has the hope that a rich man, or men, will bring her happiness through wealth and security. But as the night stretches on and no one comes, she begins to turn her thoughts inward. The "pain of disgust for the life she was leading" . . . "such pain often becomes the sword that cuts through material longings and awakens dispassion" v.28.

For no one, O great king, in whom a disgust

For things of this world

Has not arisen

Seeks liberation.

It is from this disgust that discernment arises

And the ideas-of-I-and-mine are challenged v.29

How many times in this present life have I felt that disgust? So many! About my life with Roger – even before, with alcohol and school. Then his abuse, and several times with speed, my own relationships with men, and alcohol lots of times, and being a victim. Over and over have I experienced this.

Wow. Verses 37-39 are so like what I've been feeling with this physical pain: "Despite the life that I have led the Supreme One has smiled on me." "Had I been truly unfortunate the despair of this world would not have been born in me." "With complete love and devotion I accept this gift that has been bestowed on me" v. 39.

Let me be grateful for this life I have been given, with all its many opportunities to see that wealth, luxury, financial security, the admiration of men, the escape of alcohol and drugs, physical fitness, beauty, etc., are not what bring peace and joy. Truly, while it seems sometimes it would be a lot nicer to be healthy, wealthy, and beautiful, would that really move me closer to where I want to be? The evidence all says "no." And while I'm still not ready to become sannyasin, am still working toward a little security, I can learn to be grateful for what I have, including this intense and unceasing pain.

May 6-7, 2007

It is still warm! In fact, it is supposed to be 50 degrees today! It has been raining, which has been helping to melt some of the snow piles. The street actually looks strange; I hadn't realized how thick the layer of ice and snow was until there were big cracks and holes in it. We had been driving on a good 4 or more inches. It was pretty cool to see the melting start to make grooves in it, mapping networks to the sewer grates that people like Jim had cleared the ice from with shovels. And on the main streets, we have full lanes back - almost - on the sides nearest the curbs. Sorry to go on and on, but the melting is just so wonderful I can't help myself : )

I will try not to be sad when the temperature drops back to 16 on Friday. I hope everyone reading is having weather they appreciate, too.

May 6, 2007

With all the craziness of last week, classes ending and getting the grading done, etc., you know what I almost forgot? Almost nicely and sneakily put out of mind the fact that I promised myself and the Universe that I would begin to meditate when classes were over. No more excuses. I've picked up that progress in the goals of meditation takes a long time. So I need to get started on it right now. Maybe it is that gains will be so slow in coming, and I, like my compatriots, am dedicated to instant gratification. But I don't know that it will be slow. I might see some slight improvement right away. I won't know until I begin to do it every day.

What I need to do is think about and remember the journey into me that began when I first met my own eyes. This is the same thing, but without looking. It's turning inside, to explore the me in there. How can that not be exciting? Knowing from my experience that god is waiting for me in there? Why am I not racing to find him/her/it/me? I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter, because I am not going to allow that part of me to run my life anymore.

Oh! I just had this vision/understanding of a big wall of invisible pressure that keeps us all from looking too hard for God, and realized that Hinduism accounts for it; if God is hiding itself from itself, It wouldn't want the game to be over too quickly, so of course there would be some kind of thing, which I'm seeing as a kind of energy shield because of my cultural milieu. And then it hit me – oh – this is what Krishna meant when he said "My divine magic is hard to escape; but those who seek refuge in me cross over this magic." Or at least, it's part of what he meant.

So, take refuge! There is the bridge – just walk over it. I'm not sure right when I wake up is best, because the pain is so intense, and when it isn't its sometimes hard to wake up due to the drugs. But I'll figure out a good time and do it.

As the Eighth Teaching goes on, Krishna details how to be sure that you will join him at the time of death, thus escaping re-birth. I don't know that I'm ready to forsake life. I like life, even with all its suffering and tribulation. But I would like my next life to be one in which I am able to devote myself more fully to this, to understanding how it all works, and to jnana yoga. Of course, I'm terrified to ask for that, because I know what happens when we ask for patience or humility; we are given a thousand things that make us/tempt us to be impatient, or a hundred things to humiliate us.

But earlier Krishna promised a higher birth, one in which material needs are provided for. I'd like that one, please! On the other hand, it would be lovely to go to god and know all the answers to every question, to see everyone, in all their lives and understand the pattern. But won't that come eventually, anyway? Of course. And I do love life.

To get either place one must follow Krishna's directions. And again he sounds like Jesus: "Therefore, at all times remember me and fight; mind and understanding fixed on me, free from doubt, you will come to me" v. 7 Next he offers this promise, or just statement of fact:

Disciplined through practice,

Her reason never straying,

Meditating, one reaches

The supreme divine spirit of man.

Disciplined through practice! It isn't going to happen any other way girl! You must practice being one-pointed through meditation. And I will find, if I do, that Me that is the best Me. This beautiful verse:

One should remember

Man's spirit as the guide,

The primordial poet,

Smaller than an atom,

Grants of all things,

In form inconceivable,

The color of the sun

Beyond darkness.

Follow the inner me, the one who creates this life for me. She grants all things. Beg her for self-discipline. Entreat her to meet me half way. To help me arrange my life in such a way that I devote myself to all my sacred duties.

It sounds weird, doesn't it? And if someone read this journal (blog) without the context it might sound as if I've lost my mind and become so egotistic, so full of delusions of grandeur. But even Judaism says we are higher than and more beloved than angels, and Christianity follows with the belief that we are made in God's image. Islam places humans even higher. I'm human! However, I am not even talking about manifest nature, this body and this person. I'm talking about the God inside me. Whom I know to be there, but do not really know. This is really helpful to me, to think of Her as the guide. I think it will help me get somewhere.

Krishna gives instructions on how to meditate, which echo Easwaran (or other way around) and he says it's easy! We'll see! But then he goes on to discuss cosmology, the way the Universe is set up. It's fascinating. It got me thinking about What the Bleep Do We Know [a DVD I highly recommend if you haven't yet seen it] and physics, and how Krishna may be referring here to clues to the physics. I definitely think that if I were a theoretical physicist working on quantum and string theories, I'd be giving these statements a lot of thought.

Krishna does put himself above Brahma here, so one can see where the Hare Krishnas get that. But he also says Arjuna, us – we are above Brahma. So I think what he is saying is that Brahma is an idea to help us understand. Because first, Krishna talks about how Big and Long – no, Vast, Brahma is: each day and night stretches over a thousand eons (take that Bishop Usher!). And that really means even longer than eons, because creation, the entire Universe, is brought into being at Brahma's dawn, and falls apart, is dismantled at the beginning of Brahma's Night. But then creation and all the creatures are born again at Brahma's next dawn.

Beyond this unmanifest nature

Is another unmanifest existence,

A timeless being that does not perish

When all creatures perish

It is called eternal unmanifest nature,

What men call the highest way,

The goal from which they do not return;

This highest realm is mine.

It is man's highest spirit,

Won by singular devotion, Arjuna,

In whom creatures rest

And the whole universe extends. v. 20-22

Universes within universes, isn't it? Or not, because this being outside of the universe is impossible to conceive with this human mind. But it seems clear to me that Krishna is saying that it isn't just that he is Lord of that realm, or just that humans can get there by devotion, but he seems to be saying that in some mystical, impossible-to-grasp way, humans are that place! Right? "It is man's highest spirit . . in whom creatures rest and the whole universe extends." Wow. There isn't much more one can say. Wow.

One last thing before I go. This teaching concludes by saying that even once men understand this, who "know the infinite spirt" v.24, they still might not rejoin that unmanifest existence, and it has to do with when they die. If we die at one time, during the "light" period (which could include bright lunar night) during the "sun's six-month northward course" v.24, we "reach infinity." But if we die during the dark period, we "reach the moon's light and return" v. 25. Is this just mystical gobbeldy-gook? Or is Krishna pointing out some feature of physics? Moreover, I think he might be saying there is a choice:

These bright and dark pathways

Are deemed constant for the universe;

By one, a man escapes rebirth;

By the other, he is born again.

No man of discipline is deluded

When he knows these two paths. v.27

Maybe he is stating a fact about the way the material universe is constructed and is telling us to know these pathways and choose the time of our death appropriately. [Since I have been studying the Upanishads I've found some early references to these paths of the moon and to the role the moon plays in reincarnation.] It's funny that it seems like here is an answer to my earlier dilemma about both seeking to know God with all my self, and also loving life. Maybe we can reach liberation, moksha, and still return to play the game if we are still enjoying it. Why not? You really can have what you want in Hinduism!

May 7

The Ninth Teaching: The Sublime Mystery

Mystery is certainly a good word for it! I feel like I wrote nearly the same thing last time though. Krishna seems to contradict himself, or offer a paradox, and again I'm longing for the Sanskrit, to see which words he used. I really need at least another, different translation. Not that this one isn't good, but one decision of hers I question is to always translate a word the same way. So jnana is always translated as knowledge, yoga always discipline, brahman as infinite spirit, etc. But words have various shades of meaning, especially a word like karma, which I've seen transliterated as work, action, cause and effect, sacred law, etc. I think she sometimes loses or twists meaning away from the original intent by using the same word; a different word would more accurately reflect the intended meaning.

Anyway, it would be lovely to have another translation, especially one written by a Hindu. This teaching has some confusing verses. Recall, Krishna is telling Arjuna more about who he truly is, and that realm of existence (his, ours) that is beyond life and death. And he reminds him how important meditation is, of course. And the rest will have to wait. I've read the whole thing twice, but I have to meditate and then go to work now.

May 1-5, 2007

Would you believe we are having the second day over 35 degrees? Absolutely amazing! We haven't had such warmth since November or earlier. The huge piles of snow that piled up in December are slowly beginning to melt. These high temps are supposed to continue for nearly a week - we might even get some rain. If so, we may lose the snow cover and that will help the rest of the winter be warmer, since the sunshine won't all be reflected back into the atmosphere. It will begin to warm up the soil and thaw it out for spring planting. I am getting desperate for spring gardening.

May 1, 2007

In the Gita, Krishna had "finished" describing the disciplined person. Now Arjuna speaks for me by saying "I don't see how this can happen – my mind is as hard to hold as the wind."

Krishna says yes, it is hard, but with discipline you can do it. But if he strives to master himself, a man has the means to reach it v. 36. And Arjuna, thank you, again says, "But what if I can't do it?" What if I try, because of my faith, but find I haven't the discipline, can't get it? Are not I then doubly damned?" v.37-38.

Krishna says no, "He does not suffer doom in this world or the next" v.40. If we die before perfection in discipline is reached, Krishna promises that we will be reborn in a better place, positioned so that we may devote ourselves more fully to it.

"Carried by the force of his previous practice" suggests it's good to do whatever we can even if it isn't much, because that is less we'll have to do next life. We won't have to start from scratch. Discipline and devotion are never wasted.

May 4

Reading the Seventh Teaching again. Here is where Krishna really begins to reveal his true nature. His lower and upper natures (saguna and nirguna brahman?). These are such beautiful, such powerful passages, images – "All that exists is woven on me, like a web of pearls on a thread." He seems somewhat sad or lonely when he says:

All this world, deluded

By the qualities inherent in nature,

Fails to know that I am

Beyond them and unchanging. v.13

Like he created the world to have fellow creatures, and then it turned out that the material of creation made it impossible for creator and creature to communicate. Like an unforeseen problem. But the next verse changes the meaning, I think, and makes in more purposeful:

Composed of nature's qualities,

My divine magic is hard to escape;

But those who seek refuge in me

Cross over the magic.

At first I read this as the willful design of Krishna – his magic makes nature what it is in order to hide him from creatures. But he made a way for those who really want him, who are fed up with the barrier and want to return home, to cross. Then I had a glimpse of it being the other way; that despite being trapped by the things he set in motion, there is still a way for people to get to him. Either way, the point is that if we are devoted we can find him.

Arjuna, four types of virtuous men

Are devoted to me;

The tormented man, the seeker of wisdom,

The supplicant, and the sage.

Of these, the disciplined man of knowledge

Is set apart by his singular devotion;

I am dear to the man of knowledge,

And he is dear to me. v. 17

He goes on to describe the closeness further. I wish I had the Sanskrit here, because of course I want to be the one that is most dear! I believe he is saying the jnana yogi, which makes sense in context. I'm not sure what the difference between "the seeker of wisdom" and "the sage" would be. In English there isn't much difference. I really need to get my hands on an original copy and some other translations.

Jnana is the method/path laid out in the Upanishads. The secret knowledge that we are in fact god. That there is atman brahman inside each of us, and that all we have to do is find it and identify with it. So easy sounding! The "tormented man" and the "supplicant" are/must be practitioners of bhakti or karma yoga, or the former one can be seen as not a yogi at all but someone who throws himself, with complete abandon, on god's mercy.

Krishna promises that the jnana yogi will, after many lives, find refuge in him. He says that others, "robbed of knowledge by stray desires" take refuge in other deities, so those who need something to do with the senses, or individuality, or something like that, get caught up in the promises of other gods, "limited by their own nature." And here is what I love about Krishna and about Hinduism.

Krishna does not speak angrily about these people. He does not condemn them to everlasting torment, to any kind of hell. Amazing, isn't it? Instead of jealously blasting them, he says:

I grant unwavering faith

To any devoted man who wants

To worship any form

With faith.

Disciplined by that faith,

He seeks the deity's favor;

Thus secured, he gains desires

That I myself grant. v. 22

So anyone who devotes themselves faithfully to ANY god receives blessings from Krishna, or from Universal, Absolute Reality, as we understand Krishna to be. There is no punishment, except:

But finite is the reward

That comes to men of little wit;

Men who sacrifice to the gods reach the gods;

Those devoted to me reach me. v. 23

You can have what you want. If all you are able to see is Siva, or Yahweh, then please, devote yourself and you will be rewarded with what you asked for. But you will still be unsatisfied because you are still not united with the Ground of Ultimate Being.

May 5

[Description of rude treatment at town's only Indian restaurant]

There is very little chance I would be welcomed with open arms into the Indian community. And it hurt, and made me sad to remember that in reality, in the world I live in, even Hindu Indians tend to be misogynists. At minimum they are mostly racist, elitist, sexist, patriarchal bigots. Maybe it is just the city Brahmins. One can hope. And yes, I know I am making sweeping, stereotypical judgements. But I'm not wrong about the racism, sexism and classism, am I? So what are the chances of a white woman approaching these guys and asking about learning Hindu rites? Yeah, right. So I feel sad. There is a big Hindu temple not too super far away – about an hour's drive. But I don't think I'll be going unless I can find a woman to invite me. Everywhere, everywhere, people do not practice what they preach. Disappointing.

I am undeterred. Some of the best Christians are people who came to it from different traditions and should shame those born to it. Why should I be different? I can devote myself to jnana yoga under the protection of Krishna if I so desire, and I do, and bigots cannot say no.

. . .

I had an insight last night as I was washing my face before bed. I caught my own eye in the mirror several times as I was saying my mantra, and I remembered back to when I learned how to do that. As a child I sometimes sang to God while looking in the mirror, and I remember doing that in Spokane and a couple of other places and times in my life.

But through the bad years, it was rare. I never – or almost never – looked at my own eyes except by accident. I had too much shame. When I accidentally did, I would look away; my face burning in . . . shame is the only appropriate word. It was actually an assignment that E (a counselor in my late teens/early 20s) gave me as part of my therapy, and it was a big deal that I had to plan for and arrange. I was in the apartment on __________ (J & R's building). I lit candles, and sat on the floor in front of a floor-length mirror, and had to work up to meeting my own gaze.

I had a talk with myself, and I forced myself to admire my face and my eyes, and then to look deep . . . and what I found in there was love. Forgiveness. Even admiration, or no - adoration, peace in my conflict-ridden life; a pool of calm, quiet acceptance. No shame. Nothing to be ashamed of. And I cried and cried and cried, and promised to take better care of me, and I began to heal.

It wasn't long after that that I refused to have sex with people I didn't want to, which meant I soon lost the apartment and was homeless again. But I didn't have to drink as much, and I got more serious about school; I began to build a life for myself. Began journaling not long after.

I realize now that looking into my own eyes and finding that love was a huge part of it. It was a spiritual moment, as I had as a child. And in Spokane and ever since then I have had those moments, talking to God through the mirror.

So last night all of this clicked, and I realized what it meant: I have always found God inside myself. At a younger age I might have interpreted that as Jesus inside my heart, having been invited there at three. And maybe that is also true. But I believe now that is my Atman Brahman, the piece of God that is me.

So I have some experience of this, I know what Krishna means when he speaks of the inner spirit, the infinite spirit inside. I'm so excited, because I was thinking it would be hard to even feel it, or really get it. And so to realize that I have always known this – that God is in me, God is me. I am my own Conscience – it is myself I was afraid of disappointing, of shaming, of letting down. I was afraid the person in my eyes would be cold and unforgiving. Because who knows better than I how bad I've been, who knows every secret mean, envious, untruthful, selfish thought? I was terrified of her judgment of me, and her condemnation. Her contempt. Instead of all those things I found a tender, forgiving, all-encompassing love. Who can love like that but God?

There was and has been since at times also gentle but firm reminders that now I must do what is right, turn away from behavior that hurts me and others. But all in love. At a time, at all the times I hate myself, there was this person inside me, loving me. Wow.

I cannot lie to my own eyes. I need to always remember that as a test. But this is bigger than that. It means I have a platform on which to build. Krishna's next teaching is all about that.

The Eighth Teaching: The Infinite Spirit

Arjuna asks Krishna about his last statement in the 7^th teaching, when Krishna says

Men who know me as the inner being,

Inner divinity, and inner sacrifice

Have disciplined their reason;

They know me at the time of their death.

He asks how this infinite spirit can be in the body. What is it? Krishna answers:

Eternal and supreme is the infinite spirit;

Its inner self is called inherent being;

Its creative force, known as action [karma]

Is the source of creatures' existence.

Its inner being is perishable existence;

Its inner divinity is man's spirit'

I am the inner sacrifice

Here in your body, O Best of Mortals.

A man who dies remembering me

At the time of death enters my being

When he is freed from his body;

Of this there is no doubt. v. 5

Wow. I am really tripping, to use an old phrase. As I wrote this, my mind kept going to Jesus. Don't these words sound familiar? Could it be that Jesus was teaching this exact same stuff, but people around him didn't get it? Brahman is the Sanskrit she's translating as Infinite Spirit. I might prefer she left it as is or used the more common translation – Absolute.

The fourth verse seems strangely worded, and I seem to have struggled with it before. Brahman's inner being is perishable existence? Or is it that brahman is the inner being of perishable existence? Brahman is the inner being of man's spirit. And brahman sacrifices itself here in our bodies. Just like Jesus, except his followers didn't understand that he meant God was in all of us.