June 19, 2007
I didn't even read any of the U. Gita yesterday because I took so much time writing about the Upanishads and re-reading Easwaran. I'm into "Sense Training" now, in which he tries to teach the importance of controlling our response to sense-objects without getting into the Sanatana Dharma, the philosophy of why we respond to sense objects, what they are, and why it is important to resist them.
And I am trying to just read the Upanishads, without having to take a lot of notes. But there are some things so exciting, so enlightening, I feel I want to record them. Of course, there are also big chunks that make next to no sense to me, that are repetitious (because meant to be oral and from memory) to the point of being boring.
I am still going to try to mostly just read them this time, at least the early ones, and save my real studying for the U. Gita. But last night, after a truly incomprehensible bit in the BU, there came a passage describing a conversation between a man and his wife. He is about to leave – either to die or to become sannyasin (which is the same from her point of view), and he wants to divide his property between his two wives. One says, "Will the wealth you give me make me immortal?" When he says no, she says, "Then why would I want it? Give me some teaching instead; teaching that will help me realize immortality" BU 2:4:1-4
So he begins to teach her about the importance of atman, and what brahman is, and that brahman is atman. It is really interesting to see that women were thought capable of being taught these things, somewhere around the 1st, maybe even 2nd century BCE. But also it is really striking how they understood so early that it is the self one must attend to, that it is through the self one can find God. Whereas the Western religions never really focus on that (except for a handful of mystics). Are still outward-looking as whole.
Anyway, the husband, Yajnaralkya says to Mairiyi, his wife, that she ought to focus on comprehending her self, by which she will gain the whole world. He explains that the universe and all that's in it came out of brahman and is brahman; in the way if you drop salt into water, all of the water becomes salty, so is brahman in all of creation. BU 2:4:12. "In the same way this Immense Being has no limit or boundary and is a single mass of perception." Therefore after death one has no awareness. Maitriyi says "Huh? Now you've lost me." So he explains, very beautifully, how once you've joined the One, the Whole, and ceased being a perceiving multiplicity or duality, there is no way to be aware of self in the same way. "When the Whole has become one's very Self, then who is there for one to smell (see, hear touch, etc.) and by what means?" v. 13.
I get it! And it is very beautiful. Is this how new converts to Judaism or Christianity read the Bible? How they feel about it? Like surely it is True, and makes sense and gives comfort. I felt that way, I guess, each time I renewed my commitment. But the feeling never lasted. As I kept reading I'd get more and more uncomfortable with it. Even horrified, appalled, unable to make sense of it and bcoming afraid of it, confused of the God it portrays. Will that happen with these texts? I don't know. Only time will tell.
But let's get back to the Uddhava Gita. We are at Dialogue Nine.
Oh man, another one so beautiful it makes me almost weep with joy! It is unfair to keep comparing with the Bible, since it too contains Truth. But I am so moved by the Gitas, and in them, at least, nothing seems contradictory or out of character. The harshness of Yahweh, the punishing vengeful God one finds, for example, in the Gospel of Matthew, in which Jesus says such violent, hateful things is utterly absent from Lord Krishna. He speaks, always, with compassion, especially for those who are weak, who stumble and fail. Always there are instructions and reassurance for those of us who don't find it easy or even possible to do as he asks.
So in this dialogue Uddhava asks, "Teachers speak of many paths to enlightenment. Is one of greater value than the rest? You have described a path of devotion. Is that way better?"
In answering, Krishna first makes it clear that the Vedas have their origins in him, thus validating all the different paths described in them. He goes back to the creation to explain how all the creatures of the universe, including individual humans, are unique; we are each a unique pattern of the combination of the gunas. Since we are each different from the other we each interpret the Vedas differently.
People differ from each other
By nature,
Or by lineage,
Or by what they are taught.
Some are even atheists v.8
Because people are under the power of maya
They will proclaim various paths as the best
According to their own nature and activities. v.9
"Each path will have its own believers" v. 10. Each path has a beginning and end, each bears the fruit of the action taken on it. Ultimately, all paths will end and this brings sorrow – except the merging of the self with the Self.
Krishna asks how anyone attached to the objects of this world or the next can be as blissful as one focused on him. Recall that in the 8th dialogue he answered the question of who he is by making it clear he is the Whole; this particular image is just an image – Krishna is brahman, is Self, the One. Here, in verse 15, he shows this again by saying that not Brahma, nor Shiva nor his own brother-self nor even his own self as worshipped deity is "as dear to me as you are, you who are my devotee." He describes such a one, again, and then says:
Even my devotee who has not yet
Mastered the senses
Will not be overcome by them
Because of the devotion v.18
Again, those very comforting words for someone as weak as myself. He says – Whoa! - Just like Jesus – that devotion to him burns up all sins, all transgressions. And in v.21-22 he makes clear that this path is open to all, even to outcastes. In v.23-30 he instructs and describes how to devote ourselves, urging us to merge ourselves with his Self; to use meditation to help us do this.
Uddhava asks how to meditate, and Krishna replies with very detailed instructions. They are instructions I'd like to follow. And they are even stepped. At first, he says begin by sitting in lotus and concentrate on breathing. While breathing, let the prana flow up the sushumna to the heart chakra, and there let the sacred mantra Om "sound there – like the peal of a bell." Practice combining breath and prana in this manner 10 times, 3 times a day. In a month, he says, you'll have enough control of the prana to begin meditating.
Then he gives instructions on how to meditate, focused in devotion on him, using very specific imagery. While at the same time saying it doesn't matter what form we give him, so long as it is beautiful, serene, and benign. "Let it smile at you and be gracious to you" v.38. Eventually one lets oneself be filled and absorbed by that Self, so that all distance between self and Self is dissolved. "Remain like that, absorbed in Self! Like fire uniting with fire" v.45. One who does this, who achieves the focus required for this, is yogi and "Liberation from the world of multiplicities is near, very near" v.46.
I think I better stick to Easwaran's plan for now. I'm not sure I completely understand how to follow these instructions.
Later – meditation awful today. Well, not really, but had trouble staying on the words of the passage. Mind skittering around, going off on tangents. I had to call it back over and over. It wasn't drowsiness at all, it was monkey brain. I had to make myself start over at the beginning in punishment several times. I didn't allow myself to get frustrated or angry though. Just brought it back. Having re-read Easwaran's warnings about what can happen helped a lot. It reminded me that this is par for the course. It will likely be a frequent problem for me, the more so because I boasted yesterday of not doing this, so it has to show me who is really in charge. Easwaran quotes one of the Christian saints as saying that even if all one does for an hour is bring the mind back, over and over again from one of its side trips, it is an hour well-spent. I believe him. I put my faith in those who have gone before. They must be my gurus for now, as I haven't got a living, breathing one to hand.
At the library I found some gems. A book that explains – or at least tells – the stories of Krishna's earthly life, which I've so been wanting to know. My mental image of Lord Krishna is disembodied, cut off from the context of a human life. I want to know the "biography," the mythology, the story. If I am going to be his devotee, which it appears I am, already so much love wells up inside me for Him – probably partly a transfer of my long love for Jesus. This seems ok to me. Both are just ways for us to connect with God – I don't think either would mind overlapping in my mind and hear. At least – if they do, they aren't really God.
Anyway, I've gathered that the story of Krishna's life inspires easy devotion, much like Jesus and Buddha Gotama. And with Krishna, there is the wonderful additon of (or rather, there is no subtraction, nothing missing from) his infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, pre-teen and teen years. So with Krishna we get all these wonderful stories about his being a cute baby, a holy terror of a two year old, growing up, his friendships, his coming of age, dating – if you can call it that (more like catting around), marrying, settling down and having his own children, becoming a king, having adventures. I mean – it is a whole life. But I don't know it, really, yet. And I'm hungry to. Will I grow closer? Become, as the verse I read today, moved to tears of sorrow at his absence and joy at his return?
Or will seeing the real man make me say "this is no god!" the way the Gospels do? In the gospels, especially Matthew and John, I can't abide the person they depict – haughty, arrogant, enraged, violent, snide, abusive, vengeful and angry. Such a hippocrite, he seems. Which is why I don't believe those gospels are faithful to the man Jesus must have been. Like Rushdie's Mohammed, their god's words sound too conveniently like what the author's would like God to say.
Besides, I don't expect the same things from Krishna that Christians are taught to expect from Jesus. No one claims Krishna to be sinless, pure, chaste, perfect. The point of their lives is different. Humanity's condition is different. While Krishna is already Us, part of the great experiment, whose job is to help us see that He and We are the same, Jesus' job seems (from the Christian POV) to be to tell us He is God and we are not. We are an experiment gone wrong and its subjects in (im)mortal danger. Jesus must save us. Krishna "must" not do anything, but is there as an example and teacher if we'd like to follow. We don't "have" to; nothing terrible will happen to us if we don't.
I guess I'm working on how to explain my choice of path, choice of divine image to my Mom. I don't, otherwise, feel any need to justify myself or attack Jesus or Christianity. I don't want to do that. Even writing this out feels like beating a dead horse. Going through the motions but feeling the angry passion I felt last year as I struggled to prove to myself that I had good reasons for letting Christianity go. I no longer need good reasons. I'm convinced. I have faith in the dharma. And it isn't that I believe people should stop being Christians. Surely emulating Christ will get one to brahman, too.
One other thing I thought of recently was this: there is room inside Hindu philosophy/belief/faith/practice for every other religion/philosophy/science in the world. But there is no room inside modern Christianity for anything but itself. Which then is the greater? In science, in social science, in philosophy, in humanities, in art – in all areas of scholarship and human endeavor, we come to appreciate and esteem the theory with the greatest explanatory power. Hinduism wins, hands down.
June 20
In Dialogue 10, the translator tells us, Krishna reveals the rewards, the powers that come from dedicated, disciplined meditation. These powers are called "siddhis" which means "perfections."
To the yogi of balanced mind
Who is able to fix awareness on me,
Who has both the senses and the prana in control,
The siddhis will offer themselves.
These are pretty cool things! Krishna grants eight of them; the other 10 flow naturally from the guna sattva. These are things like becoming smaller than an atom, seeing the past and future, entering another's body, choosing a different form, choosing one's death, being impervious to hunger, thirst, cold, illness, death. To direct maya with one's will, to have one's will obeyed without objection. These are no small rewards! How much more willing am I to work for these, rather than "heaven"?!
Krishna explains which type of meditation will lead to which gift and notes that one who meditates on all these aspects of Krishna/Brahman will receive all 18. But he notes immediately that those who practice the best yoga, who wish to seek union with Him, "they know that these siddhis are obstacles" v.33
One can immediately see why they would be. Striving to obtain one or all of these gifts is a distraction. If one's goal is to be smaller than an atom, then one's goal is not escape from maya and union with the Self. Or, having meditated in good faith with the goal of union, one could be pulled off course after receiving a siddhi, just as Easwaran warns against being too awed by the mental fireworks or the other shows the mind puts on during meditation. Just like with those, the best course, if one is blessed to receive a siddhi, is to note that one has it, but keep it to the side, with one's focus fixed on Krishna or brahman.
Probably that's why you don't hear of yogis doing these things; they don't. Those who receive these abilities are wise enough not to use them. At least not for themselves and not often. Still, it's exciting to know what gifts await. And one does have the sense that many, many people in India (and China, Nepal, Tibet – all over Asia and S.E. Asia for that matter) DO choose the hour of their own deaths. Also a good number who are impervious to hunger, pain and the elements. I see that a lot in the ethnographies of aging and medical anthropology that I read.
There is so much to read! I want to read it all, absorb it all, do it all. I wish I was able to devote my whole life to these things. I mean, every hour of every day. I still have to do all these professor things, support my family, be a wife, etc. And I still care about those things. But can you imagine how wonderful it would be to spend one's every waking moment in meditation, communion, studying scripture, learning from the wise? Oh, that is a true desire of my heart. It would be perfect if J also wanted that, and we could do that together. How I would love that. Could we maybe find some version of that someday? Some lifetime? Or maybe at least some small taste of it? A retreat, maybe?
Oh! What if we bought a farm that we could turn into a retreat center, and we could bring the gurus to us! And other fellow seekers could come? Everyone can dream, right?
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