May 16-17, 2007

May 16, 2007

[Jerry Falwell had died, and the pika was reported nearly extinct, which produced a crying jag while watching the news]

The Tenth Teaching: Fragments of Divine Power

This is what I need, though at first it wasn't speaking to me. I need to believe what Krishna is saying here (and in the Ninth) about who he is (and what we are). As J said when my crying stopped, the world is exactly as it is supposed to be. Hard – so hard, to believe, when it seems every thing about it is ruined. Krishna tells Arjuna, "Desiring your good, I speak to deepen your love." No human can really grasp what he is, so he tries to use words and images we can understand.

I am the source of everything,

And everything proceeds from me;

Filled with my existence, wise men

Realizing this are devoted to me.

This reminds me of a recent "thought of the day" (I signed up to get them thru e-mail from Easwaran) in which several fables or stories were told about how we humans cling to what is in our hands, when God is offering us much greater treasure. But we must let go of the tiny treasure we have in order to grasp the greater. Why does my mind make the connection? I guess because in many ways I am holding on to my own vision of the world, and how it works and what it is for. And Krishna is saying "drop all that!" Here I am, the source of everything. Drop your ideas and take this one. I am Lord of all Univeres and you can have me! You can BE me! And he goes on, saying that if we think and live deep in him, and are disciplined in our pursuit (i.e. meditate), and we devote our selves to him with affection, "I give the discipline of understanding by which men come to me." v. 10. I think he's saying if we do our part, he'll give us even more discipline, so we can cross that bridge across the magic of delusion he spoke of in Teaching Seven. It reminds me of something in Christianity, where Jesus says "to those that have, more will be given." Maybe that is what he really meant, and not the capitalist, unfair interpretation that so tempts one.

Dwelling compassionately

Deep in the self,

I dispel darkness born of ignorance

With the radiant light of knowledge. v.11

Arjuna has a breakthrough. He gets it. He has an epiphany in which he really understands what Krishna is saying and he speaks out, acknowledging and repeating Krishna's qualities. And one of the phrases he uses, along with words like "infinite, eternal, unborn, omnipotent" is "man's spirit" and further:

You know yourself through the self.

Krishna, Supreme among Men,

Sustainer and Lord of Creatures,

God of Gods, Master of the Universe! v.15

That phrase – doesn't it mean - doesn't it support the idea that god is playing hide-and-seek? That the purpose of humans is to come to know Itself better? The way to understand consciousness is to break oneself up into bits, fragments, and watch what they do. How else does One, alone and supreme, come to understand itself except in this way, by studying what comes out of it? Like a great artist learning something about her subconscious by seeing her own paintings.

I don't have time to get to all the images Krishna gives of himself that most resonate with me, but it is helpful to remember some of the last bits:

I am death the destroyer of all, the source of what will be v.34 and:

Whatever is powerful, lucid,

Splendid or invulnerable

Has its source in a fragment

Of my brilliance

What use is so much knowledge

To you, Arjuna?

I stand sustaining this entire world

With a fragment of my being.

This helps me. I don't believe this world, or even this Universe, is it. That pika will keep living, in some way. There will be creatures beyond my ability to fathom in every dimension including number, which will come and go, as Brahman breathes worlds into being and destroys them.

May 17

[Feeling a little end-of-semester let down and taking an end-of-first-year-inventory]

I do feel better in some ways now that I'm not beating my head against the wall trying to understand why Yahweh would allow all of this to happen. I can understand why Krishna, or really Brahman, or really us – would allow, even foster it. But I still find it difficult to take, to live through. I guess I need to think about it more, meditate on it, allow myself to "grok" it. Then it wouldn't hurt so much. Or no – the whole point may be to feel pain, to increase compassion. But yes, the pain then has meaning. And it can be analyzed. Isn't that my job as part of god, part of the collective? To understand better how all of this works? To stand back from it with a part of oneself. Krishna keeps remarking, directing our attention, to his detachment. It's his world, his very being, yet he remains detached.

It's funny, that detachment is in the service of attachment, the connection of all us critters. The two keep going together in paradoxical ways.

I read a short story by David G______ in Fantasy Sci Fi, of all places, that was great. It was real, it came straight from the gut, and it had to have been at least partially experienced by the author. Its point is that the narrator, who has all these experiences, keeps getting 'pinged' and he goes through his life wondering who it is. God? Aliens? Devils? He doesn't know. But it happens in these moments of intense relationship, intimacy, connection with other people. And at the end he finally realizes it isn't God or Aliens, it's us. We humans figuring out who we are, that we are One. One fully intimate collective. More, we are the same thing, same person. It was a cool story that I'm not describing very well.

I suppose the truth of Hinduism does sound like science fiction in some ways. It certainly sounded kooky to physicists at first – but guess who's listening to them now?! It is so hilarious and spooky and wildly cool that the world's oldest organized religion and the world's most cutting edge physics agree with one another about so many things. And the most cutting edge medicine, neuroscience, mathematics, etc.

The Eleventh Teaching: The Vision of Krishna's Totality

Here Arjuna, having realized with his head who Krishna is, asks to see his form – his true form. Krishna gives Arjuna divine eyes so he will be able to see what humans normally could not bear to see. At first it's all great. Arjuna sees all of creation, all of this world and many others, all the gods, everything – existing inside Krishna's wondrous body.

Arjuna saw all the universe

In its many ways and parts

Standing as one in the body

Of the god of gods.

He says:

Lord of All,

I see no end,

Or middle or beginning

To your totality.

What really gets me is that after he lists out all the amazing incredible things that he sees in Krishna, he says:

You are to be known

As supreme eternity,

The deepest treasure

Of all that is

The immutable guardian

Of enduring sacred duty [dharma];

I think you are

Man's timeless spirit. v. 18

After he sees all that, more than words could ever describe, he comes to the conclusion that he is "man's timeless spirit." I don't think he's saying just that Krishna created and put his spark into man; he is saying Krishna is man. We are him. Whoa. Yet it is still too much for Arjuna to take. Especially as his attention is drawn to the more terrifying terrible destructive side.

That will have to wait until tomorrow. The part we haven't gotten to yet – Krishna devours the worlds, too. The world, going to hell fast, might be exactly the way it is supposed to be. I may be feeling pain and anger, but its all part of the mosaic, all part of what we need to learn, individually and collectively. Will try to hold that thought.